synodiporia_ooc | Test Drive #6

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Test Drive #6

Welcome to the Synodiporia Test Drive Meme! Below the cuts there are three new prompts, and here are the prompts from previous test-drives, which you’re still welcome to use in this post. When you comment, be sure you specify what prompt you want to play with, and please put up your own threadstarter - it makes for a much more friendly environment that a forest of bare toplevels! OCs are especially welcome!

Our upcoming app round runs January 1st-7th, after which we’ll have a Victorian Cosmic Horror Jaunt - the madness of the Cthulhu Mythos in rural 1800s England. With that in mind, here are some darker prompts, to catch the feel of how your characters react in troubling times...

Prompt #20 is a flashback to the Cursed Kingdom jaunt, where werewolves hunted, deadly magical creatures roamed, and magical curses and traps struck without warning. Feel free to play an investigator, a werewolf, or simply a citizen of the magical kingdom who’s become unfortunately lost...

Prompt #21 is a glimpse of a Jaunt, either far in the past or sometime in the future. In the mining village of Enterrado, a gang has taken control of the flow of silver into and out of town, and the only folks with the hope of running them out are a vengeful band of vigilantes and outlaws. With half the Travelers brainwashed into believing they belong to one gang or another, friends are ready to kill friends, and it doesn’t seem like the few sane folks remaining can stop the bloodshed...

Prompt #22 is set in Liminal Space, during a time of instability, where buildings are collapsing and re-forming, and the worst fears or greatest desires of Travelers are appearing (and vanishing again) like all-too-solid mirages. What would your character imagine, and what kind of threat would it present… ?

Prompt #20: Dark Forest
The trees are too thick to let in any hint of sunlight, if there is any, but more likely the world is just as dark everywhere else by now. Tendrils of mist wind between the trees - most of them harmless, but every now and then one will latch onto a passerby like a leech and begin to turn pink as it drains blood. In the open hollows between the trees, shallow puddles of brackish green water contain hidden sinkholes, or startling arcane visions of the dead. Slowly, snakelike, briars grow and slither like a cage from tree to tree, enclosing anyone too slow and cautious in a pointed hedge-maze. And somewhere nearby, a wolf howls...

Prompt #21: Wild West
They've taken to calling the tavern at the end of the street the Bastille. Its windows have been shot out and barricaded, and some of the tables inside have been upturned for cover. But still, despite the tension, people come in to drink. For all that the miners and the vigilantes have exchanged fire in the streets, and three men have been shot dead in this very saloon in the last day, it's the closest thing left to neutral territory. Desperate bargains and parleys are discussed, struck, and abandoned. Drinks are downed in quantity, and it's almost true that nobody gives a damn any more who's cheating at poker. If you're looking for an old friend, or one of the mad strangers from out of town, or even for someone to draw down on, you won't get better terms anywhere else than you will in the Bastille. Come for the whiskey, stay for the knife-fights.

Prompt #22: Chaos Given Shape
Liminal Space bends and drips like a Dali painting, one landscape sagging into another, buildings settling, leaking water or dirt from whatever alien environment is above them; walls collapsing only to reveal something new on the other side, like a caterpillar molting into a butterfly. Calm meditation and focus by Travelers seems to stabilize the environment briefly, but if one person exerts too much mental influence, the surroundings begin to resemble the territory inside their heads. Old fears and nightmares, lost loves, desperate desires all form out of the fluidic landscape - and that's enough to break almost anyone's calm. But two people, working together, can sometimes strike a safe equilibrium...

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[ Sorry, Ken.. of course someone would be around to see it - such is Murphy's law when it comes to tripping. The good news is that said spectator doesn't look like he's about to laugh at the kid nearly falling on his face.. although the bad news is probably the identity of said spectator.

One hand shoved into the pocket of his coat, the other one curled around the bus stop sign he's carrying around, he watches Ken with a look that's a little hard to decipher.

It only lasts a moment or two though before he instead lets out a heavy breath. ]

Careful.

[ Shinjiro Aragaki, king of being eloquent and working out issues. ]

[That warning would've gotten a very different response, coming from just about anybody else, but as soon as he hears that voice, and looks over to the source, that moment of embarrassment is the very last thing on Ken's mind, because there's no way -

But Shinjiro Aragaki is standing there before him, completely whole, as healthy as he ever looks (the hobo aesthetic doesn't make a guy look super fit, though), and definitely not in any stage of bleeding out from a gunshot wound.

This is how it should be.

To hell with that crap!

It's enough to make the previous night's events seem like an impossibly vivid dream...although given the current state of everything, Ken's sensible enough to realize that it's far more likely that this is the dream. But even if it is - he wasn't ready for this, because even after last night and the sudden desperate feeling in his gut that this wasn't what he wanted after all, that Shinji couldn't die now because...because...

It's not like Ken still has any idea what on earth he's going to say to him.

Not knowing doesn't mean he's not going to say anything, though, because he doesn't stop think before one thing slips right out of his mouth -]

This isn't how it should be at all!

[ He doesn't look too surprised by the reaction. Even if Ken is shouting it, even if it'd be an odd reaction to what Shinjiro said for anyone who would look on and not know them, Shinjiro himself doesn't even flinch or really move at the wortds.

He knows it's not how it should be. He, too, remembers the night that ended with two bullets in his body and a drop to the cold ground, and then.. nothing. Nothing until he found himself here, but it's not like this can be the afterlife if Ken is here too, so something just went horribly wrong or weird along the way. (It's not how it should be, because he got what he deserved and managed to stop something even worse happening to the kid along the way, and that was that.)

But both of them freaking out won't do anyone any good, and if there's anything Shinjiro is good at ~~aside from being a mother hen~~, it's keeping his calm when others freak out. ]

Yeah. It's not. [ The words themselves even are calm, without any particular emotion, even if they're a little bit softer than they'd usually be.

But even so, there's only one thing first and foremost on his mind. Because he's dead anyway (even if he doesn't really feel like it right now), and he got a fitting end, so-- ]

Let's get you back home. [ He's already stepping forward to look around further into whatever kind of weird place they ended up in. Because what is confronting his issues now if he can just focus on doing what's right for Ken instead - something he should have been doing a long, long time ago, anyway - and just wallow in his own issues and guilt for all eternity in whatever afterlife is waiting for him, who doesn't have anywhere to go back to?

So that's that. ]

[He makes it all sound so simple.

There's absolutely nothing simple about this, and Ken hasn't even started thinking about the problem of where they are or how he's getting back - which probably won't be simple either, though it's the last thing on his mind either way. What's even back home for him, now?

Not his mother, certainly. And not revenge, whether he wants it or not.]

What's the point now?

[ It's not like he doesn't get it. Feeling like there's nothing left for you, that there's no point to anything - the only point to anything had been to repay what he had done, to repay his sins with blood.

But it's exactly because he understands that he doesn't want the same for Ken. He's still young, he's not drugged up on stuff that slowly kills you just to keep your Persona in check. Even if his mother is gone (because of him) and his revenge, too (because of him), there's got to be more for him out there.

Which is why he can't just accept those words. ]

Is that really what you think? [ He turns to glance back at Ken. ] That there's no point?

[It was easier to talk to Shinji, he thinks, when Shinji wasn't looking straight at him. It's not as though he could forget any of what happened before, but Shinji's gaze feels more like it's forcing him to look everything in the face than his blood on the pavement did.

Maybe it's because they're a day and a world removed from what already happened, but it could be a year and a hundred worlds and he still wouldn't be able to wake up and tell himself it was all a dream.]

I thought I knew what I wanted.

[It seemed a lot simpler then.]

I don't know if I want anything now.

[What he does know is that he didn't want - doesn't want - this.]

You're just a little kid.

[ It's probably not what Ken wants to hear, and it's not particularly subtle either, but.. well, Shinjiro has never been a particularly big fan of being subtle. Besides, it's a point that he really has to get through to Ken's head before something dangerous decided to pop up in wherever-the-hell-ville they are right now. ]

You've still got plenty of your life left. You'll figure it out. [ "So don't give up so easily", he tries to say, but.. well, it's.. Shinjiro, okay. He's trying. This much is already trying quite a bit for his standards. ]

Are you really gonna let your whole life depend on an asshole like me?

[ Sure, he knows he did wrong. He knows he messed up big time. He fucked up Ken's entire life with his actions, and there's no reversing it, there's no forgiving himself for it. But even so, he wants to do all he can (now he can again, for some reason, after bleeding out on the cold pavement) to at least set Ken's mind straight. So he can live on despite the past.

(It's the only thing he can do.) ]

[It says something about Ken's distress that he doesn't bristle or even frown at being called a little kid, the way one would expect him to. His gaze stays down, unfocused -

- until the question, and then he looks up, surprised. Not that Shinji calls himself an asshole - that's about as expected, but...

Not too long ago, Ken would've unthinkingly agreed with Shinji's own assessment of himself. After last night...after last night, though, he doesn't know.]

[ This time, Shinjiro isn't entirely sure what Ken's surprise is about. Is that kid finally catching onto what he's trying to say or is there something else behind it? He didn't think that anything what he said was particularly surprising, anyway, and one hand moves up to - semi-awkwardly - tug on his beanie. ]

What is it? You've got to use your outside voice or I won't be able to hear shit. [ Shinjiro Aragaki, inspiring role model, cursing in front of kids since a long time ago... ]

I don't -

[It comes out a little louder than he meant, even if it's not quite his outside voice, and he stops and regroups before he keeps going, because he doesn't think he can just - yell something like that.]

...I don't think you're...as much of one as you keep saying.

[And boy, does it feel weird to admit that to himself, let alone out loud.]

[ Of course he had to say the only kind of words Shinjiro could actually have a problem with.. he's fine with being blamed, with being called an asshole, with enduring pretty much every insult under the sun. Because he deserves it.

If he's never really managed to do anything good except for keeping Takaya from killing Ken, then it's not like he deserves anything other than that, right?

And for Ken of all people to admit that--

He has to look away, pretend he's more occupied with looking for the way out rather than this conversation. Ignore the way his stomach churns. ]

You must've hit your head pretty hard when you ended up here.

[ Avoidance is the best way to deal with any problem, don't you know. ]

I didn't.

[It's said halfway under his breath, because it's not really the point at all, anyway.

Ken still remembers just before he joined SEES, when he'd overheard Akihiko talking to Shinjiro. When he'd realized that he'd just found exactly the person to blame for everything. How mad it made him when he heard Shinji say that he wanted to forget about it -

- how that had been the easy part to focus on, instead of Akihiko's how long do you plan to beat yourself up over it?

It was easier to get angry then, when he didn't realize what it felt like to know someone was dead because of you.]

[ Yeah, hard to avoid it with an answer like that. Even for Shinjiro.

So instead he almost looks like he's about to pull his hand out of his pocket (for once), but nope, instead he just shoves it further in there. Almost as if he doesn't even know what to do with himself in the scenario of this kind of talk he was not prepared for at all. The afterlife would've been kinder, probably. ]

Had a change of heart? [ It's the only thing he can say - it's what it sounds like, anyway. ]

...I don't know.

[Because a question like that is hard, when he's hardly had a day to think about this and he still can't put words to half of what he's feeling about the whole thing.]

I'm still mad. But...

[Mad for more reasons. Mad at more people. Mad at Shinji, yes, but also mad at Takaya for making everything even worse. Mad at the police, who he already knows are going to just treat it the same way as his mother's case and sweeping everything under the rug.

Mad at himself, for being someone people think they have to protect.]

Hey.

[ With the way Ken's voice trails off like that, he figures it's the best way to pull the other's attention again. Not that his own thoughts aren't just as hard to put in a line, but like hell he's just going to give up because of that when Ken still has a chance at life. ]

Ken. [ -- for once. Instead of "kid" or.. well, whatever have you. It's a little more effective when he really wants to get something across. ] It's only natural to be mad. It's okay to have my guts-- nah, it's natural. Even if you think a little better about it now, not like it's gonna change anything for me. I don't need any of it where I am. Or where I'm going, or.. ugh. Whatever.

[ THANKS, SUDDEN WEIRD REVIVAL IN A WEIRD PLACE THAT COMPLICATES SHIT ONLY FURTHER.. ]

What I'm saying, what I was trying to say that night too, is.. you can't let that shit control the rest of your life. Even if it sucks, you gotta move on. Whether it was by shoving a spear into me that night [ which was not the favourable option, since it would just mean more weight for Ken to carry, but at least that's out of the options right now anyway ] or by doing it yourself. Not for anyone else, but for you.

[ Don't do the same thing he did and just.. ruin the rest of your life. Don't run away from everything you still give a fraction of a shit about. ]

[ And because he wants to at least deflate some of the heaviness so he won't have to be as embarrassed-- ]

I mean, hell, who else's gonna feed Koromaru?

...for me.

[It's not a very easy thing to wrap his mind around. He's been telling himself for two years that his mother wouldn't want to just be forgotten, that she'd want justice to come to her killer.

It's easier to tell himself what she would want, and decide that must be what he wants too.

Ken has no idea what he wants, but he doesn't think it's for anyone else to be dead.]

[....KOROMARU THOUGH]

You're the one who knows how to make all of his favorites! I don't even -

[This attempt at levity is just making him really upset now.]

I don't even know what you always give him! [Because he never wanted to get close enough to Shinjiro to find out and now he's never going to know and Koromaru is going to get sub-par treats forever this is not fair to anyone.

(It's not really about dog food. It's about the fact that trying to calm down and talk quietly about this only works in small chunks before he just wants to scream or cry or something all over again.)]

[ He knows. That it's not just about Koromaru here, this whole issue. It's not just why Ken is yelling, although he knows the kid is fond of the dog too, just like he was - hell, just like most of them are. Koromaru's that special.

Still, all of this is taking a lot out of Shinji (it's what happens when your last memory is of bleeding out on the cold ~~hard floor~~ pavement) and after letting out a sigh he lets himself just plop down on the floor to sit there for a bit, weapon right next to him so he can pick it up right away if anything shows up.

Right now though? The biggest enemy is himself. The fact that he's supposed to be dead, but he can still fuck things up. He can still accidentally steer Ken off the right path just by saying something wrong. ]

Well, I'd explain it to you, but this doesn't exactly seem like a place to share dog food recipes. [ A little dryly. Almost as if he's trying his hardest to cancel out Ken's anger with his own hollow calm.

-- a breath, and.. ]

Listen. All this shit? It would've happened if you'd have killed me too instead of that asshole. You also would've had to figure out on your own what to give him now. It's the same deal. [ He quirks an eyebrow, his expression a little wry. He's mostly trying to make Ken figure it out already for himself. ] Didn't you think about that?

[Shinji sitting down like that puts him a lot closer to eye level.

That's uncomfortable.

So Ken lets his own head drop, gaze on the ground. The hand that's still got his spear is clinging to it in a death grip - mostly so it doesn't start shaking, like his other hand just won't stop doing.]

...no.

[Of course he didn't think about that. He was angry. He was upset. He was planning to be just as dead as Shinji by the time the night was over, so he wouldn't have to think about what came after that. About being alone.

About whether there were still people who would've cared after all, about what he might be doing to them.

They weren't Mom. They wouldn't miss him that much, would they?]

[ He's quiet for a moment even after Ken answers, like he wants that answer to sink in with the kid. That, and all this is pretty wry for Shinjiro too.. but he knows he can't just stop here, so he does continue after that moment. ]

You get it now, right?

[ Something about the way Ken's hand shakes tells him that, about that small answer - especially compared to his yelling from earlier. ]

You thought you wouldn't leave anything behind. That it wouldn't matter. [ How does he know? Well, he thought the exact same thing. And it's exactly as he was dying that he realised why that was such a fucking dumb idea to begin with. Aki, Mitsuru, Koromaru - even everyone else. He's been a selfish asshole, huh. ]

Take some advice from an as-- [ .. ah, awkward. Just as he's about to say that, the words echo in his head. ...I don't think you're...as much of one as you keep saying. ] -- from someone who realised it just a moment too late.

...

[He gets it, sort of - he comprehends it, at least, but he's still only halfway got his mind wrapped around the idea. That anyone's still going to care, that maybe it's real concern and not just pity that's been making them treat him so kindly since he moved into the SEES dorms.

If he hasn't already completely ruined that.]

I just don't want to be alone.

[His free hand clenches into a fist.]

Mom left me behind and now you're leaving me behind and everyone -

[The spear slips from his hand and clatters to the ground as he drops to his knees, so abruptly he can feel a sharp sting and he probably just scraped them but who even cares -]

They're going to hate me for this and I feel so stupid -

[His voice chokes up and he stops, taking a deep breath.]

[ If Shinjiro would admit to ever seeing anything utterly soul-crushing in his life, this is it.

The knowledge that it's all his fault doesn't make it any easier. Especially not since he doesn't feel like he properly paid Ken back - not even by dying to protect him. The only proper way to pay him back would be to un-break his life, to do everything Shinjiro's done wrong, but he can't. He can't work miracles like that. The fact that his mother died, that he's grown up with those thoughts, that he's the way he is now..

It's all his fault. His fucking fault.

And now he's dead and somehow that's made it even worse, like the next mistake in a long line of mistakes he just can't stop making.

But at the least, at the very least, he just doesn't want Ken to have to cry ~~again~~-- ]

No one's going to hate you.

[ God, he's.. he's so bad at this, he's always been, even at the most important moments. Especially at the most important moments. But after a slight moment of hesitation, he reaches out, and plops his hand down on Ken's head. ]

It's not your fault, everything that happened. [ Not as directly as it was Shinjiro's fault for fucking up in the first place, all those years ago. ] They might get all worked up about it, but they won't be upset with you. You know how they are. They'll all be with you, so the least you gotta worry about is being alone.

[ For a moment his shoulders are tense, but then he releases a breath, lightly ruffling the boy's hair. ]

.. didn't know I was apparently special enough to get a mention, though. [ Even if it's only a bittersweet reminder that he knows he's never there when he actually should be for anyone. ]

[It's not your fault.

Maybe that's exactly what he needed to hear, because on his own, he can't come up with a reason for it not to be. Ken asked Shinjiro to be there in the first place. Ken fully intended for them both to die there. Ken provoked Takaya into shooting at him first, completely on purpose.

Trying to deny it doesn't seem fair. Trying to deny it feels wrong in the same way he used to feel like letting Shinji off the hook for his mother would be wrong.

...but when he's not so sure that would be wrong, now, what does that say about this?

He swallows a sob before it can find its way out.]

...it never felt like you just...pitied me.

[Despite everything else, something in Ken always appreciated that. Two years has been more than enough time to get sick of being pitied.]

[ He lets out a small sound - it sounds half like it might almost be a laugh, and half self-depreciating. ]

I was way too busy feeling guilty every fucking moment. Think I had time to pity you in the meantime?

[ Sure, he felt bad for Ken, but not in a pity kind of sense.. he mostly felt bad because he knew that he fucked up Ken's life so badly, not anything else. It's all because he couldn't control his Persona just one time.

With another small ruffle, his hand leaves Ken's head. ]

Why do you think I came back to S.E.E.S. to begin with?

[ ~~ok, so having a dog with them was a nice perk, but that's not it.~~ ]

Test Drive #6

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MY RIGHT ICON FOR THIS IS INACTIVE SO EXCUSE ME

NO EXCUSE, WOW

fine, never tags you again!!!!

lies here.......

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