CHARACTER RECLAIMS

[powersthatbe]

From now until endgame, Synodiporia is closed to new applications. However, players who dropped or idled characters but who do not have a behavioral strike against them may reclaim characters at any time. Dungeons and app windows are no longer necessary. Simply comment below with "I'd like to bring [character (username)] back!" And we'll take it from there. Players already at 3 characters who wish to bring back a 4th or 5th may do so so long as they're current on AC. Players wishing to bring in characters above 5 may request special mod permission. If you are uncertain if you qualify to reclaim, please email us at synodiporians@gmail.com and ask!

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[creatic]

P E R S O N A L I T Y ;
❝. . .If you really want to live, trust your luck.❞

SO OKAY, my eyes are like bleeding by now here but let's go i can do this section i'm freaking out like a Chihuahua, though!! also im so sorry for all my shitty commentary i tried to actually be mature and take it out but i've been looking at the screen too long HAHAHA :C

Anyway, you know that whole 'people are like an onion' thing? It fits Okita Souji perfectly.

Yeah, you know, this one:








So, now that we got that defining point of Souji's personality mentioned, we can continue with everything else.

The Okita Souji that he presents to the world is very different from the one that he really is ( or that he feels he really is but more on that later ). To the general population, he's cheerful to a fault and hardly ever serious ( although when push comes to shove, he can and has said to be ruthless, even historically ), playful and—from a distance—it could be said he even seems to be a rather happy person. He does have a terribly morbid sense of humor, often threatening the protagonist of the series with talk of killing her, but for the most part he is seen as a tease and a complete ass-buster, particularly when it comes to the vice-commander of Shinsengumi, Hijikata Toshizou. It's very clear that Souji adores Kondou Isami, the commander, as well.

Nothing really out of the ordinary in terms of a general person, and without further digging or observation, one could very well see him that way for the entire time they know him. And, to be fair, that isn't all that surprising when one thinks about the makeup of human nature. It's natural to defend deeper and darker secrets and the social penetration theory ( also this is the actual onion metaphor i was referring to ) supports that there will almost always be far more to a person than is ever shown on the surface, only slowly revealed piece by piece as one gains trust.

For Souji, getting him to trust anyone is almost as difficult as getting him to give someone the opportunity to gain his trust in the first place. He's very closed off and anti-social beyond the others he knows in the Shinsengumi ( and even then, he's not super impressive there, either ). He has an obviously difficult time making friends which can be seen just by his interactions with the two protagonists of the Hakuouki series, Yukimura Chizuru and Ibuki Ryunosuke. The thing is that he doesn't seem to care that he lacks the ability to reach out to others and form bonds with them.

Which, makes sense when past circumstances are brought to life.

Born into a samurai family, Souji was raised by his older sister after the passing of their parents, but she struggled to support them until she finally married. However, once married, it became obvious she couldn't take care of him any longer and left him in the care of the Kondou Shuusai as a private pupil at his Shieikan. There, he was quiet and kept to himself, doing his tasks without complaint, although that didn't mean he didn't feel anything in response to what he considered abandonment by his sister. He was also bullied by other pupils at the Shieikan due to his smaller size and his attitude in refusing to let them have the satisfaction of seeing him cry.

Mitsu's letting go of him to the Shieikan is what could be considered the final straw to his view of the world and its defining emotions—about love, about loyalty, and about companionship. From his eyes, he saw her act as the final proof that people would always abandon him, would always leave him alone and there was no such thing as the 'love' so many talked about. With the treatment he received at the Shieikan, especially by the other pupils, the world became painted as a cruel place where everyone was out for themselves, a place to get ahead by bullying and hurting those weaker than themselves, and that anything kind done was only done for personal gain. He wasn't accepting of this view, either, and seeing the world in such a negative way made him spiteful and mistrusting of everyone. Even Kondou Isami, who would eventually become his everything, was subject to Souji's decathexis along with his poor opinions of human nature. So, the need to make friends or other social acquaintances is a useless skill from his point of view.

It's true that Kondou eventually changed his mind, but the key point is that Kondou changed Souji's mind about one person and one person only: Kondou himself. Souji has always been and continues to demonstrate with his treatment towards others that he is fine with this single exception and has no desire to seek more like that in his life.

"But there is someone who wouldn't lie. There is someone I can trust. It's Kondou-san who showed me these.

So I want to repay him. I don't know if it'll make him sad, but it's the only thing I can do. Even if I have to become a sword that can only kill, since it's what Shinsengumi needs now, I will."

—Reimeiroku, Chapter 6 of Okita's route.


Despite that, it's not to say he can't be friendly when he wants to be and although he generally will ( and does ) come off as an insensitive jerk, for a lack of better way to sum it up, he is a generally good person. Confused and warped in the head super crazy, but a good person. He wants to do the right thing—but he also believes himself to be an awful person. In fact, he believes this so much, the entire outward appearance he projects to the world ( besides the ruder aspects ) isn't so much to mislead others as much as it is to mislead Kondou and have him think he is exactly as Kondou wants to see him as.

He does have his friends, however, and while— I'M NOT GOING THERE BECAUSE HIJIKATA-SAN WON'T GET HIM A POCHI!!!! —they're very few, he's fiercely loyal to them towards the end.

If nothing else, the one thing Souji seeks not to be is a hypocrite. He may not let many in, but those he does are never subject to what he, as a child, experienced. He will not betray them and he will never say he feels something for them when he doesn't. Saitou Hajime is the one he's closest to and is the only individual that has a better idea of what lies beyond Souji's demeanor ( although Shinpachi and Heisuke do reveal in various places that the Shinsengumi captains as a whole know more about one another than they let on even to people such as Hijikata and San'nan ) and their relationship is a unique one. But, let's leave it with Saitou and Okita are best friends and most comfortable with and understand each other and both give each other the treatment they both crave so badly: to be treated normally when the rest of society views them as anything but.

It also is worth noting that Souji's general approach to other people is dictated solely by Kondou's opinion of them, willing to extend his tolerance for their presence so long as it makes the other happy.

Still, in spite of all of that, both Chizuru and Ibuki show that it is possible to get through to him—the one thing that works well with him is persistence. Perhaps it's because he trusts little else, but relentless and pure effort especially in the face of constant rejection is not something humans can fake for long. And he will go out of his way to take care of those people, even if he gives little hint of how he feels about them.

❝Hate me all you like.
I will continue killing.
What awaits me will only be hell.❞

The problem is, every person, even the most dedicated and purest of individuals out there, has their flaws. Nobody's perfect and Souji himself is so far from perfect. On the plus side, he's aware of this. On the not-so-plus side, he's aware of this.

His entire view of the world is exactly like a child's, even if with a more morbid tint. There are psychological studies on theories as to what causes an adult to never pass into adulthood in all aspects, but regardless as to why, the fact remains that he lacks the proper mature perspective necessary as an adult to live as a normal individual does.

Souji sees only in black and white, never in grey. It's not just a result of stunted emotional growth, either. It's a choice and he has no reason to want to change it ( although it is seen in his route that he is capable of otherwise, if someone were to work hard enough to showing him ). As he is, he doesn't seem to comprehend things that should be basic ( the value of a life—including the value of his own, recognizing love and care from others, having his own individual thoughts and feelings to live his own life, manners, etc. ) to a human being. The scariest part of that is that what he DOES seem to understand is that he should act or feel differently judging by the way the world around him reacts but he just doesn't care enough ( or at all ) to want to understand why or otherwise change. What he's doing has given him the only thing he wants—Kondou accepting him and not hating him—so anyone telling him he needs to change his way of life is easily and immediately dismissed.

Of course, this simplistic nature extends to become troublesome beyond simple responses to situations in general society or in relation to his respect for life. It creates a very different type of hurdle and one that Souji finds himself constantly almost impossible to pass in terms of his closest people beyond Kondou ( because, yes, they do exist and one in particular exists that he suffers greatly with as a result of this very thing ).

And—to further support the immaturity problem—when Souji doesn't get his way, he can be the biggest little shit. He can take matters into more dangerous territory ( especially if they are insulting or otherwise suggesting Kondou in any negative light ), but he's been shown to whine and throw a fit just like a toddler might, as well ( particularly with Hijikata ). Although he does calm down over the years, it's mostly due to Hijikata's change of action ( that is, him respecting a request by San'nan to let the other look over Souji rather than Hiiikata interfering anymore ) than any level-up in his maturity on Souji's part. And no one quite affects him like Hijikata does, meaning there's a lot less for him to fight with and face these flaws he has in his closed little world.

❝Both you and I don't have anything.
So unlike those who are in abundance, I am attached to the only treasure I have in hand.
The last thing I want is for him to dislike me.
I would rather die than to see him sad.❞

Souji has a very clear outlook on his life and what he wants to do with it. Unfortunately, with this clear outlook, he isn't really struggling to find his place in the world and that's another thing that makes it so difficult to associate with him. He's already decided what he's worth and all that he can be versus what everyone else wants him to be. Even as someone who wants nothing more than to make Kondou happy, he merely accepts that no matter how hard he tries, he will never be able to be what Kondou wants. He doesn't understand ideals, he can't be a good person, none of these things matter to him and he has found it difficult to find a reason to fight beyond simply doing it for Kondou. He admits this, but it seems his fears halt him from confronting these things ( he sounds like he's confronted them and accepted them, but the reality is he's turning his back on them ) and working to be whatever it is that he currently isn't.

What others think of him doesn't concern him nor does what he accomplishes for himself. With this, his fears are still just as they were as a child. He fears being alone. He fears being left behind. He fears being hated by the person he loves. So, he hides his real self away from everyone, but mostly away from Kondou for the sake of not jeopardizing his relationship with the older man. Instead of trying to be what he is convinced he can't be, he pretends to be it while being exactly what he trusts and knows himself to be. And, that is being the sword of the Shinsengumi; a weapon, a tool, and nothing more than a means to an end.