[ If Shinjiro would admit to ever seeing anything utterly soul-crushing in his life, this is it.
The knowledge that it's all his fault doesn't make it any easier. Especially not since he doesn't feel like he properly paid Ken back - not even by dying to protect him. The only proper way to pay him back would be to un-break his life, to do everything Shinjiro's done wrong, but he can't. He can't work miracles like that. The fact that his mother died, that he's grown up with those thoughts, that he's the way he is now..
It's all his fault. His fucking fault.
And now he's dead and somehow that's made it even worse, like the next mistake in a long line of mistakes he just can't stop making.
But at the least, at the very least, he just doesn't want Ken to have to cry again-- ]
No one's going to hate you.
[ God, he's.. he's so bad at this, he's always been, even at the most important moments. Especially at the most important moments. But after a slight moment of hesitation, he reaches out, and plops his hand down on Ken's head. ]
It's not your fault, everything that happened. [ Not as directly as it was Shinjiro's fault for fucking up in the first place, all those years ago. ] They might get all worked up about it, but they won't be upset with you. You know how they are. They'll all be with you, so the least you gotta worry about is being alone.
[ For a moment his shoulders are tense, but then he releases a breath, lightly ruffling the boy's hair. ]
.. didn't know I was apparently special enough to get a mention, though. [ Even if it's only a bittersweet reminder that he knows he's never there when he actually should be for anyone. ]
MY RIGHT ICON FOR THIS IS INACTIVE SO EXCUSE ME
[ If Shinjiro would admit to ever seeing anything utterly soul-crushing in his life, this is it.
The knowledge that it's all his fault doesn't make it any easier. Especially not since he doesn't feel like he properly paid Ken back - not even by dying to protect him. The only proper way to pay him back would be to un-break his life, to do everything Shinjiro's done wrong, but he can't. He can't work miracles like that. The fact that his mother died, that he's grown up with those thoughts, that he's the way he is now..
It's all his fault. His fucking fault.
And now he's dead and somehow that's made it even worse, like the next mistake in a long line of mistakes he just can't stop making.
But at the least, at the very least, he just doesn't want Ken to have to cry
again-- ]No one's going to hate you.
[ God, he's.. he's so bad at this, he's always been, even at the most important moments. Especially at the most important moments. But after a slight moment of hesitation, he reaches out, and plops his hand down on Ken's head. ]
It's not your fault, everything that happened. [ Not as directly as it was Shinjiro's fault for fucking up in the first place, all those years ago. ] They might get all worked up about it, but they won't be upset with you. You know how they are. They'll all be with you, so the least you gotta worry about is being alone.
[ For a moment his shoulders are tense, but then he releases a breath, lightly ruffling the boy's hair. ]
.. didn't know I was apparently special enough to get a mention, though. [ Even if it's only a bittersweet reminder that he knows he's never there when he actually should be for anyone. ]