Thanks for the app submission! As a note, apps are closed right now - that's not necessarily a dealbreaker as our newest event hasn't started yet, but since we have to ask for revisions, it does mean we need to ask for them within 72 hours, or we'll have to wait until September to consider this application.
In any case, a lot of this app is solid but there are a few areas we need more development before we can accept it.
Personality for an OC is the most important section - it's what we judge almost everything by. More depth, more examples, just more flesh on it in general. Having a better grasp on his personality is important to us because it's the standard by which we judge the other sections I'll be mentioning.
Point of Departure, we're looking for personality changes when Aaron infiltrates - the mechanical changes, powers being replaced, sort of go without saying. How will it effect him psychologically? What would you like to explore by having him infiltrate?
For the prose sample, we'd like less interior monologue, more action or interaction, getting an idea for the choices he makes and his place in a social setting. The actionspam sample gave us some of that , and gave a really good sense of voice - that same sense of voice isn't nearly as clear in the prose sample. Inner monologue is important, but it needs to be more focused on thought process than exposition...
This is a really interesting character, all in all, and we'd like to hear more about him and have him with us on some adventures! You're more than welcome to submit revisions either before 3:30 PM CST on 7/20; or first thing on September First when apps open up again.
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In any case, a lot of this app is solid but there are a few areas we need more development before we can accept it.
Personality for an OC is the most important section - it's what we judge almost everything by. More depth, more examples, just more flesh on it in general. Having a better grasp on his personality is important to us because it's the standard by which we judge the other sections I'll be mentioning.
Point of Departure, we're looking for personality changes when Aaron infiltrates - the mechanical changes, powers being replaced, sort of go without saying. How will it effect him psychologically? What would you like to explore by having him infiltrate?
For the prose sample, we'd like less interior monologue, more action or interaction, getting an idea for the choices he makes and his place in a social setting. The actionspam sample gave us some of that , and gave a really good sense of voice - that same sense of voice isn't nearly as clear in the prose sample. Inner monologue is important, but it needs to be more focused on thought process than exposition...
This is a really interesting character, all in all, and we'd like to hear more about him and have him with us on some adventures! You're more than welcome to submit revisions either before 3:30 PM CST on 7/20; or first thing on September First when apps open up again.